Webster announces new word for 2009: Close[d]

SPRINGFIELD, MA- The newest word in the Merriam-Webster collection of words is one that's near and dear to the hearts of many in the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod. The world's leading publisher of dictionaries has added a word that's been circulating in Missouri Synod circles for decades. The word? Close[d].



Pronounced, "oh-puhn," it's a word that Missouri Synod pastors use to describe their altar fellowship. Both "close" and "closed" have been in Merriam-Webster's dictionary for quite some time, but neither correctly describes the practice of letting parishioners decide for themselves if they're supposed to be receiving the Body and Blood of Jesus at the eucharist.



John Morse, president and publisher of Merriam-Webster describes the includion of a word with brackets as a "bit wacky," but he concludes, "I guess we had to include it. Dictionaries, like CTCR decisions, are descriptive and not prescriptive."

eHarmony.com Announces new Pastor-Church Pairing Capabilities

Ever been dissatisfied with your pastor? Has he ever been upset with his parishioners? Maybe the relationship was doomed from the start.

In 2000, Dr. Neil Clark Warren launched eHarmony.com as a dating site that attempts to “move beyond ‘traditional’ online dating.” Dr. Warren perfected eHarmony’s patented Compatibility Matching System™ that has since propelled eHarmony into the position of the America’s “#1 trusted relationship service.”

eHarmony has demonstrated to frustrated singles that there is just one person perfect for you, and, if you’re willing to pay $59.95 a month (or $20.95 a month for 12 months), you can find him/her. Now eHarmony is turning its attention to equally frustrated congregations and pastors.

Maybe the relationship just wasn't meant to be, brother.

According to Warren, “For decades, maybe longer, churches have relied on chance, dumb luck, or even prayer to pair pastors and congregations. SET forms and PIF inventories are as outdated as Match.com. They don’t work. And they don’t provide happy marriages between pastors and congregations. The only way to find a perfect relationship between pastor and parish, the only way to find the one pastor that’s right for your congregation, is to use our patented Compatibility Matching System™.”

This congregation used eHarmony.com. Look how happy they are. Wouldn't you like to be this happy?

Finally, here's a way to guarantee (or your money back) getting a pastor who does what you want, not what he wants. He'll preach what you want him to preach, for exactly the right amount of time. He'll work for the salary you want to pay him. He won't offend you (unless you're into that kind of thing). And you'll likewise be the perfect congregation for him. You won't ask too much of him or make too many demands that conflict with his social life. You won't expect him to step too far out of his comfort zone. And you won't get upset when he forgets your names (unless you're into that kind of thing).

“Don’t get stuck in a bad relationship with a pastor who’s not perfect for you, who doesn’t meet your needs, who isn’t compatible with your personality," said Warren. "Sign up today.”